This one comes with a warning.... don't get hurt

If you are someone who reads this and think that it pertains to you then ok. But I'm just venting. This makes me feel better. So don't get hurt. Don't call me up and ask me y I wrote this. 

NOthing that I write means anything but what I am feeling at this exact moment. RIGHT NOW.

Tonight I am tressed. A little mad (at myself) and agitated. 

Y do I feel like I don't know what I am doing. No to be more honest. Why do I feel like the people around me don't think I know what I am Doing.

I struggle. With many things. But one thing I know and have made a point in my life is not running off of emotions. 

I pray against that fact that SO many people run off their emotions and get themselves in trouble. 

I just wanna run. Runaway. Run to a town where I know someone and just love God. Y can't I just love God and not get all chastized for it. 

Y? I don't get it

I know that I suck with money. I know that I could have stuff saved away for things I want but still be able to pay my bills. I know

I hate when people question me. NOt just me But question what God says to me. 

        REMEMBER DON'T GET UPSET

I just wanna cry and get it over with. I wann go to South Africa and just love God and love people.

Y do people gotta make that so Freakin complicated. 

I don't get it. 

Someone Tell me Y?

I wanna same and move and  get my own place and love God and pour into people and Live my calling. 

I never wanted a life of safety. BEING SAFE ALL THE TIME SUCKS!

I want to dare to love God and see what Happens. I wanna love him with everything and see what he DOES.

I don't care. I love the people around me but I hate what they say sometimes,

PRAISE JAHOVA that I can still love him.

Stop and ask for directions!

So I'm standing behind the front desk of the Holiday Inn in Grand junction (my Job) and wondering when I am going to get to move. I just checked in a man who is moving here but his house will not be ready till monday.
When will I get to move. I want out. I know that God brought me to GJ for a reason but for some reason I really feel like March or April will end my time in Colorado. You know that uneasy feeling you get when your not 100% sure where you are going? Well That is where I am at right now.
I hate when things change so suddenly Because I feel like It might just be me that is feeling that way not God.
But April would make it 6 months and that is way longer then I thought that i would be here in the first place.
The apt search is not going as well as I would have hoped. I am thinking about Chicago or maybe even Seattle..... I miss that City and I need to find a place that I can really get involded in. I know that that sounds like a bad excuse because I could get involved here but I know that this is only temporary. I miss ministry really really bad, I am going to put in my application in some places and see what happens.
I need to be somewhere else. It has nothing to do with my family or my job. I love them both. But I just turned 23 and there is this sudden urge to plant myself somewhere.

ASking directions never hurt anyone. Even guys need to ask from time to time.

WHY.....WHY!!!

Have You ever wondered WHY?

Ever just sat and wondered why

I am a sinner.

People sin. 

Everyone. You, me, Tommy Barnett, Joyce Meyers. We all do. 

We can't get away from it.

And you know what is so funny..... so shocking..... so amazing

That with every thing that we have done, every sin we have committed. 

Every thought, action, word. 

That God still loves us.

I just sinned. But he loves me.

You know when your mom and dad tell you they love you. Sometimes you know when they mean it and other times you know that they are doing everything in their power to not smack you. I know how it feels to believe it when my mom tells me she loves me at the end of a phone call. or when my dad used to tell me when i was little that he loved me. 

I think....no, i know that the biggest down fall of man is not adam, it's not sin.

It's the fact that we don't believe His love. I don't. I know that it's there, I know that it's true. 

But just cuz you know something might be true. We always have this feeling in the back of our minds that "until i see it or feel it for myself, I don't believe it"

I've screwed up, I still do. I know why I still do. 

I'm human. I screw up all the time. But as much as I can quote it to the people around me. I don't believe it. 

It's so hard. I kills me to know that I could be so much closer to the God that I love if I truly began to believe his love.

It's unconditional

UNCHANGING

INSURMOUNTABLE

INCREDIBLE

MIND-BLOWING

EVERLASTING

CONTINUOUS 

CALMING

EARTH SHATTERING

NEVER ENDING

 IT HAS THE ABILITY TO TAKE YOU FROM HELL AND PUT YOU IN HEAVEN

IT'S MYSTERIOUS

IT'S WARM

WHOLE

UN STOPPABLE

AND NEITHER 

LIFE NOR DEATH

NEITHER ANGELS NOR DEMONS

NOR HEIGHT OR DEPTH

NOR ANYTHING IN ALL CREATION

NOT MAN, NOT WOMAN, NOT DRUGS, NOT SEX, NOT ALCOHOL, NOT DIVORCE, NOT DEPRESSION, NOT LONELINESS, NOR FAMILY, OR FRIENDS

NOT EVEN YOU!

CAN SEPARATE ME FROM HIS LOVE. 

PEACE   

People! People who need people!

So I just got back from Disneyland tonight. I was there with my family for 7 days. It was so incredible to be around them and be in CALI. It also really got me thinking. 

On the way home I was listening to a sermon by Rick Godwin on my ipod and he was 

talking about successful people. He got to a part where he was talking about problems and the alot of people think that they are going to reach a point in their life where the fight will stop, that all the pain will stop.

Not true. He said "you will never not be going though something" When Moses was leading the people through the desert to the promise land many of them died and did not make it. They knew it was there but they didn't have it in them to make all the way to the end. 

I had a great time in Cali but even being back in Grand Junction for 6 hours.... it's all hitting me. I'm getting very bored and restless where I am right now but I know that there it more ahead. I know that because of what I have been called to do with me life, that I will always face something. 

Praise God that we have him to lead us and that "no weapon formed against me shall prosper" "nothing will seperate me from his love"

Just a short thing that was on my heart..